i'm not one to hate on the past. i can reminisce with the best of 'em and my memory is so crazy, i really do remember things as if they were just yesterday. certain times from each chapter of life stand out and constantly make me smile. spontaneous, wild nights. long days and weeks spent traveling with those i love, before i had any real responsibility. i often label college as "one of the best times in my life." and i truly do feel that way. it's this perfect mixture of child and adult and when you find the balance, there is no doubt you are in for a life changing four years.
sometimes i say i'd go back to college if i knew then what i know now.
but then i realize why twenty-eight is better than eighteen.
i don't question who i am. i've always been sure of myself. i think being homeschooled does that to you. it gives you the freedom to embrace who you are and choose who you want to be. you aren't surrounded by hundreds of other teenage girls trying to figure out the same thing, but mysteriously somehow all turning into carbon copies of one another. at eighteen i was content with the girl that i was. but i was just that, a girl. and no one said that being content didn't come without the occasional self-conscious moment. but at twenty-eight, i honestly could care less what the grand majority of people think of me. i'm probably going to go on a date in sneakers and skinnies. if i don't want to wash my hair, i don't. when i disagree, i speak up. there are many things people talk about that are "freeing," but learning to be completely at peace with who you are has to rank highest.
i do things because it's what i want. i don't take unsolicited advice, i don't fall into trends because i want to feel cool. if i want to do something, i do it. and i rarely ask beforehand what others think. i never regret mistakes (they are "learning experiences"), but i would regret missed opportunities to try new things. so when it comes to small things (say, cutting twelve inches off of my hair or getting a new tattoo), i typically always go for it...which truly makes me feel every single day like i am living a life full of adventure.
i know that i am tough. plain and simple, i have not only gained the mental capacity to reason my way through any battle or struggle, but the physical strength to conquer almost any obstacle. when i started college, i was naive and inexperienced. there were so many situations i didn't know the answer to, so many instances that could break me. but at twenty-eight, i can fend for myself. i'm used to getting things done without any help. so when i get a flat tire almost an hour from home, i walk into a gas station, withdraw some money from the atm and find somebody who knows how to change a tire, minus all of the tools that my suv typically needs (but didn't have) to get the job done. even if i can't do it alone, i am a problem solver and won't give up until i've won. i trust myself. because of this, i never worry about situations that could pop up.
while it would be fun to go back to the young, carefree days, i know i'd never trade that fun for the self-assured woman i've grown into since then. it's been one of the longest, most constant journeys i've been on, but one of the most rewarding. i also know this is why i respect and am drawn to others who know exactly who they are--quirks, flaws, strengths and all. i know what work goes into being at peace with who you are, which makes it so attractive in others. so go out, do what ya wanna do and take no crap for it, friends. own those personalities. :)
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